TDF

For personal reasons, I've decided to make my journal Friends Only. I have a pretty loose friending policy - if you friend me, I'll most likely friend you back, as long as you're not a troll or prone to making a billion posts a day solely using 'netspeak' *g* That said, while I'm pretty good at catching when someone friends me, and the Message Center helps with that immensely, please comment below and let me know if you're friending me, so I can friend you back more quickly. Finally, posts in my journal range from the personal to the inane to the bizarre, with the occasional fic scattered between. If the thought of any of that bothers you, or you're homophobic or intolerant in any way? Please refrain from friending me, as I will not be friending you back.

Lastly, since I know some people don't restrict themselves to just LJ, I'm also on Dreamwidth and Insanejournal - but I crosspost to all three, so the only place that *might* have something the other 2 don't is LJ, solely due to it's ability to post by phone and if I'm hospitalized or away from a computer for an extended time, that's the only means of posting I'll have. Otherwise, all three journals are pretty much identical. Other than that, welcome, friend any or all that you like, and feel free to lurk or comment at will! ;)

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/70801.html.

Sorry it's been awhile since I last updated, things have been a little crazy. The 'rents are getting ready to spend February down in Florida, so me and the kitties will be on our own for the month.

And in other news, I now have a part-time job doing computer work for my brother-in-law's company, filling the spot of a woman who just gave notice, so I've spent the last 2 weeks living at my sister's house while I train with the woman who's leaving. After this week, except for coming in for the occasional monthly meeting, I'll be working remotely from home. I'm so freaking relieved to finally have some kind of meaningful employment and so humbled that my b-in-law thinks I'm good enough to trust me with his business. It won't be much money but it's way better than nothing and the opportunity to gain experience is priceless. Just trying to cram as much into my head as possible before my trainer leaves and I'm on my own.

In still other news, my eldest niece's boyfriend and his bf apparently think I'm the coolest thing ever. For Sunday's big game (this house is Giants Fan Central), I was planning on just finding a quiet spot to read, but they tracked me down and virtually begged me to come hang out with them in their TV room. Which I'm still not sure if that made me feel cool or really old... *g*

Anyway, just checking in. Hope you're all doing okay and that I'll get to catch up soon *hugs*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/101259.html.

I've completed my Christmas cards and they're going out in today's mail, so those of you who asked for one - keep an eye out.

In other news, as part of the joy of now living in a rural area, my urban-born cats both woke me in the middle of the night with wide eyed meowing to alert me to a very large and heavy *something* landing on the roof just outside my bedroom windows. Too dark to see but I suspect it was a large owl of some kind.

In still other news, baby brother and his wife are due to arrive early Friday morning after a redeye flight from San Francisco. Very much looking forward to seeing them for the few days they'll be here over Christmas, before they head off to Moscow to spend the New Year with his wife's family.

The recent cold snap has my back and all my joints hurting something fierce but since my medication is low, I have to really stretch the morphine since I can't get in to get it refilled until the 28th. At which time, I'll have to pay around $175 for the doctor visit and then potentially around $90 for the refill, since my commercial insurance COBRA coverage ran out and now I'm on Medicaid. Joy.

Anyway, just checking in. Hope everyone on my flist is enjoying the holiday season, whatever you may (or may not) celebrate. You'll likely hear from me again before Christmas, but just in case, wishing you all the very best and hoping your holiday is full of warmth, kindness, joy and love. Peace. *hugs*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/100992.html.

Yesterday afternoon, I came home from an afternoon walk to find a 70+ lb box had been delivered to me from my brother and his lovely wife.

( This is what it contained )

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/100720.html.

Not dead. Just dealing with a time-sensitive computer project for my brother-in-law. As well as some pretty severe and entirely unexpected depression issues that blindsided me right after surgery. So I'm alive, just not in great shape. But I'll live, I promise.

In other news, if anyone would like a holiday card from me, please comment here and then send me your address in a private message. I can't guarantee I'll get them out on time, but I'm going to try. Especially since I'm hoping it will help cheer me up.

Hope you're all doing well and that I'll get the energy back to catch up with my flist - I really miss you guys *hugs*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/100410.html.

Having really rough day today pain-wise. But can't complain too much when I can get bundled up and go sit on a bench with scenery like this:



This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/100213.html.

In hospital, waiting to be discharged. Parents driving in to take me home, they're about 25 minutes away now.

More once I'm home and feeling better, but for now, here's the view of my great room:



This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/99896.html.

Actually, it's now less than 10 hours to go and I'm completely freaking out. At 3 am, I leave to catch a 4 am train into the city - which will get me there by 6, the required 2-hours-before-surgery-time check in time. And at 8 am, they knock me out completely and remove it all. *Not* looking forward to being in hospital for a day or so, or the post-op pain and restrictions for the next good long while, or the sudden jump into menopause, but at least it will bring an end to the problems I'm having right now, thank freaking god. Oh and hey, bonus - when pathology comes back in a week or so, we'll finally know for sure whether it's cancer or not.

For now, I'm just going to try not to climb the walls or freak out any worse between now and 8 am OR time. Deep breaths... deep breaths... *whimper*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/99799.html.

I really hate to do this but I'm desperate. Would anyone be willing to loan me $25-30 or so via Paypal? I desperately need to get more packing material and I'm broke until Wednesday. First thing Wed, though, I can pay you back right away. I'm embarrassed as hell to even ask but like I said, I'm desperate.

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/99482.html.

Just checking in to let you all know I'm still alive. Freaking out about financial worries, my cats adjusting to the move to my parents' house, trying to pack 15+ years worth of stuff or throw it out while trying not to let the resulting back pain cripple me, and having nightmares about my upcoming surgery - yes. But still alive. So yeah, stress levels and pain through the roof, so I haven't been around lately. Hope you're all doing alright and I'll try to catch up with my flist between moving day and surgery day. Until then, cross your fingers for me that I manage to get everything packed with the few supplies I could afford and/or scrounge, and that my head doesn't implode from the stress. Or pain. Four more days, that's all I have to make it through until I can relax and eat real food again. Four more days...

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/99159.html.

Well, after spending a long time talking to my gynecological oncologist, it's been decided that I'll have the hysterectomy on November 11th. He wants to take *everything* out, because of the cancer risks, and he'll be planning on doing some exploration of the abdominal cavity to make sure he doesn't see anything else suspicious, but as of right now, he says he'll be able to do it all laparoscopically. Which is great news because it means I'll only have to stay in the hospital overnight and recovery will be that much better without huge incisions to heal.

I'm kind of conflicted right now, though, which has surprised me - on the one hand, I'm looking forward to finally getting this taken care of and putting my mind at easy, hopefully, by finally finding out what the mass is definitively, but on the other hand, it's yet another major, if routine, surgery that I'll be undergoing and I'm very worried that pathology of the mass itself will come back showing malignancy and I'll end up needing chemo yet again. Either way, it has to and will be done. At least by that point, I'll hopefully have finished unpacking and settling in at my parents', so I'll be able to spend my post-op recovery taking it easy and letting my parents look after me as needed. Just don't be surprised if I'm an utter basketcase between now and 11/11, because I suspect I won't be able to relax about it all until it's over and done with. Until then, just take me with a really large grain of salt...

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/99015.html.

Okay, I need help/advice/suggestions, so I'm appealing to my all-knowing flist.

Last week, I had my follow up pelvic sonogram and not only has the mass not gotten any smaller, but it's actually grown. In addition to the constant pain and cramping, it's now making my period totally irregular - I went 2 months without it and then when it did arrive? Oh my god, the pain was horrendous and the flow rate had me going through a tampon and overnight pad every hour. A *super plus* tampon and *overnight* pad. Every *hour*. Then there's the increasing lower back pain which, in addition to my 'normal' chronic spinal pain, is just intolerable.

On top of all the physical side effects, my COBRA insurance runs out the end of November. So with all those factors in mind, I'm probably going to talk with my gynecological oncologist tomorrow about scheduling a hysterectomy. So here's where you guys come in.

I'm frazzled and stressed from both physically not feeling well and trying to plan for the move at the end of this month. So I need 2 things - I need advice/suggestions as to what questions to ask my doctor tomorrow, and I need details from someone who's either had a hysterectomy or is close to someone who has. Things like what surgery was like, how long were they in hospital, how was recovery, what sort of side effects they experienced post op, etc. Basically, I need personal info as to what it's like to have a hysterectomy, from immediately post op to long term effects. Anything anyone feels up to sharing would be *greatly* appreciated. Time is very short, so I'd be grateful for any and all help I can get. Thank you *hugs to all*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/98809.html.

Considering COBRA has gone up substantially and will end in just a few months, not to mention my unemployment benefits will run out as well, I've had to make the hard decision to move back in with my parents. Thanks to my elder brother talking to them, they've agreed to let me bring both of my cats with me, so thank god for that or I have a feeling all 3 of us would have ended up on the street because turning them in to a shelter at their age would've been a death sentence. As it is, because of my mother's breathing issues, the cats won't have full run of the house and will instead be restricted to the basement during the day, and my closed bedroom at night. Size-wise, that's fine, because the basement is absolutely huge. The only problem is that it's entirely unfinished, just concrete floors, and at their age, I'm worried about cooler weather making any age-related arthritis act up. So now I have to find the money to get 2 cat beds for them to have somewhere comfortable to rest during the day, not to mention another litter box because only 1 of the ones we have is actually mine and the rest are the roomie's.

My brother is going to fly up from Florida for the moving day of Oct. 29th and he and my eldest sister are going to drive in with a car and a rental truck - the truck to pack up most of my stuff and the car so that my cats won't be freaked out by the truck's loud noises. He'll help unpack at my parents and then fly back to Florida the next day. It's a huge godsend that he and my sister are coming in to help, because god knows I can't lift much that's heavy without completely screwing up my back. Packing alone is going to have me in near traction as it is.

I'm pretty depressed about having to move back with my parents at my age but I have to face the facts that at this point, between my health and losing my job, I can't afford rent and expenses. Hell, I can barely afford to feed myself, I'm living on cheap rice dishes until the 1st when food stamps renew. At least when I go to my parents, they'll pay for my food as well as (probably) my cats', and I won't have nearly as many major expenses out there. And as my brother put it, maybe being out at my parents' more rural house, with less stress about finances and such, will help with my overall health. I'm just stressed and worried about having to sort through and pack up 15 years worth of living here, not to mention the major worry of how my cats are going to react to the move to new surroundings after having lived here their whole lives. Overall, I know the move is a good thing for me considering where I am right now, I do know that and I am grateful that, unlike so many other people in similar circumstances, I at least have this option. It's just a big change and a lot to in the next month. I'll get by, I always do. Just needed to decompress a little. Hope you're all doing alright and I'll be able to catch up with my flist soon *hugs to all*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/98511.html.

Because really, what's one more journal to maintain... So yeah, I decided to check out the new Google+. Here's the link to my profile, feel free to 'add me to your circle': https://plus.google.com/116226865801408409905/about. Which oddly makes me think of crop circles and so... yeah.... *Anyway*.

Still dealing with really bad abdominal cramps (whether from the mass or not, I don't know), so I'm pretty worn out and icky feeling lately and haven't felt much like socializing like a real human being. Sorry if I've worried anyone. Hopefully this'll pass soon and I'll start feeling better and can get back to keeping up with my flist. Until then, circle me, people!

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/98109.html.

Sorry if I worried anyone dropping off the radar. I've been a little sick, and worrying about financial issues. On top of which, the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is really getting to me, along with the current terror alert levels in the city. A lot of bad memories being stirred up and no one to talk to about it all. I'll live, just wanted to check in. Hope you're all okay. *hugs*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/97842.html.

I'm so furious right now, I could spit. That mandatory appointment with the disability doctor? Yeah, so I called before leaving, to make sure everything was still a go considering the recent hurricane and all and the fact that my pain levels are all out of whack from all the atmospheric pressure changes and dampness, and was told that oh yes, everything was good and to come on in, etc. So I drag myself through the mess that is the MTA subway system this morning and arrive at the office, only to have to wait on a line for 45 minutes. Okay, no big deal, I'm use to long waits in doctors offices and whatnot, bureaucracy will be bureaucracy and all. But when I finally get up to the receptionist? I get told that oh, actually they need to reschedule my appointment because the doctor couldn't make it in.

o.O.

She had absolutely *no* response to why I was told that everything was on schedule and unaffected by the storm and to come on in, when clearly *that was not the case*. She obviously felt guilty because she wouldn't even look me in the eye while she made their excuses and rescheduled my appointment, but that doesn't mean jack shit to me when I've just not only wasted the money traveling there and back home but have also aggravated the hell out of the reason I'm applying for disability in the first fucking place! Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

God, sorry for the bitching and foul language but man, I am so pissed off right now. I mean, how the hell hard could it have been to tell me that they needed to reschedule my appointment *when I actually called an hour before my appointment time*, rather than putting me through the hassle and difficulty of going down there only to find out it was pointless? Ugh I either want to hit someone or crawl under a blanket and not come out for the rest of the day. So pissed off....

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/97754.html.

Okay, apparently one of the nearby bodegas ran a charge through on my debit card twice by accident, and to top it off in the process, overdrafted my account. The bank has said they *will* reverse it, and the $34 overdraft fee, but it will take 2-3 days to see the funds back in my account. The result is, though, that I find myself unexpectedly without enough money to get to and from both my mandatory appointment this morning with the Disability doctor reviewing my case or to my appointment with my orthopedist for my checkup & pickup of renewal scripts for my pain meds tomorrow morning. I do have enough to get *to* the appointment this morning, but after that, that's it.

So I'm swallowing my pride and asking my flist for a major favour. Would anyone be willing to *spot me* $10-15 via Paypal today? I *swear*, it will be returned first thing Wednesday morning, just as soon as my Unemployment is deposited to my account - I am NOT looking for a handout or charity. I am absolutely mortified to have to ask, but I spent any spare funds I had on preparing for the hurricane and I literally do not have enough to get home again today and the appointment is not optional, unfortunately. If you'd be willing to do this major favour for me, please private message me either on LJ or DW, and I'll let you know my Paypal address. Again, I promise that it's only temporary and the money *will* be returned to you Wednesday morning. I can't believe I have to do this and it's quite literally making me sick to my stomach with embarrassment, but I don't know what else to do, and though I could probably manage a day without my medication, I can't miss today's appointment. The only balm to my pride that I have is that it's only borrowed money and only for 2 days, and that I'm not asking for charity. But god, this is still really embarrassing and mortifying, to be so freaking poor that I even have to ask a favour like this, I just really don't know what else to do to get through the short term problems. So please, if you'd be willing to help me out of this really sticky spot, you'd not only have my word that the loaned money will be returned, you'd have my sincerest and deepest gratitude.

ETA: Thanks to a wonderfully, wonderfully kind person who I won't name, the dilemma has been taken care of, thank goodness *tight hugs to awesomely supportive flist*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/97399.html.

Well, looks like we've made it through relatively unscathed, personally. The issue with our landline, Verizon reports, is actually a line-wide problem due to the storm and they promise that oh, they'll definitely have it resolved by, wait for it, September 17th. THE 17TH. o.O. Yeah, I'm really hoping that's an extremely cautious estimate and that they get it fixed LONG before then, otherwise I may have to bludgeon someone. But, aside from that, no majorly dangerous flooding in our immediate area and only a few tree branches down along the street that I can see from our front windows, and we still have power. Other parts of NYC didn't fair so well but considering how much storm-related damage they initially feared, I'd say we can count ourselves lucky in the end. It could have been a *lot* worse.

That said, I'm a little worried about how the hell I'm going to manage to get to my scheduled appointment tomorrow with the disability doctor in downtown Brooklyn, since the MTA still has all of the subways and buses shut down and no estimate yet when they'll be resuming service. Since when I called just before the end of the work day on Friday to inquire about such a situation, they told me to call first thing Monday morning if travel was still an issue and they might be able to reschedule me, hopefully if the subways and buses are still down before my 10:30 appt tomorrow morning, they'll be flexible and reschedule to another day. I also have an appointment in downtown Manhattan with my orthopedist on Tuesday, as well as to pick up the refill scripts for my pain meds, but I'm cautiously optimistic that the MTA will at least have everything up and running normally by then.

So in summary, still here, no trees venting the windows and the couch is not floating in a living room pond. My sincerest hopes that everyone else on my flist who was anywhere affected by the hurricane has also come through safely and that, if they suffered any flooding or storm-related damage, that they're okay and things are resolved quickly for them. *hugs to all*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/97247.html.

As most of you probably know, I live in Brooklyn, so we're dead in the path of where Hurricane Irene is suppose to hit NY. Fortunately, we're not in a Zone A, which means we're not in an area that they expect to dangerously flood enough that evacuation is mandatory. Though, I have a feeling that even if we were in an evacuation area, we wouldn't be going - with 5 cats and mass transit shut down, there would be nowhere to go *to*. As it is, we've stocked up with drinkable water by washing and filling a bunch of empty 2-liter soda bottles, and we have some non-perishable food that we can cook on our gas stove. Also, we have enough dry cat food to get through the next few days. So, I think we're as prepared as we can be, just have to wait it out now.

The hurricane is still down south and isn't expected to make land-fall up here until around 6 am or so. But the rain has been very heavy for the past several hours, with the wind picking up and a few rumbles of thunder and some lightning. The cats are a little antsy and have been hovering close by, so they must feel changes in the atmospheric pressure or something and know a big storm is coming. Ramone has been especially anxious - he keeps going to the windows to look outside and any big noises make his eyes go huge and he jumps. Spent some time petting him and trying to distract him with his favorite toys, but he's trembling and incredibly on edge, so I'm not sure how successful that was. Not much that can be done, unfortunately, but hopefully he'll settle once he realizes he's safe inside.

Anyone that might have my phone number, don't bother calling - freaking Cablevision called around 7:30 to leave an automated message on the answering machine about how they're ready for the storm, blah blah, and somehow when they finished, they didn't actually disconnect the line. I called Verizon and she checked, our line is still good so it's definitely that the call didn't disconnect. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do remotely, so I had to schedule for a technician to come out. Which, thanks to Irene, won't be until *FRIDAY*. So, I won't have a landline until then. If you really need to reach me, call or text my cell. Just be aware that, if we lose power, I'll be trying to conserve my cell's charge and may not answer until the power comes back. Hopefully *crossing fingers* we'll be incredibly lucky and won't end up losing power but considering the high winds and rain they're predicting by tomorrow morning, it's not looking good.

Anyway, just checking in. Hope everyone else who might be in areas effected by Hurricane Irene is prepared and somewhere safe, and that we all make it through this okay. *tight hugs to flist*

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/97020.html.

Holy crap! I just got woken up by the couch shaking, hell the whole house was shaking! At first I thought it was something with the elevated subway right near our house making everything shake, but then it got worse and the cats came running into the room, looking freaked out, and I was just wondering if I should grab the carriers and run outside with them, when it finally stopped. NY1 on the TV is saying the earthquake was centered in Virginia, not actually in NY, and that it registered 5.9 on the Richter scale. No reported damage or anything yet in NYC, but I hope everyone in Virginia is okay and no one was hurt.

Damn, that was so freaky and scary and unnerving, I have no idea how people in areas where earthquakes are more common deal with feeling like this even once, let alone on a semi-regular basis! Jeez, I have the shakes just *thinking* about what just happened... damn...

This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/96596.html.